Butterflies Are Free

Meet Death,...sorta

Who Am I?

I ahd time on my hands, lying in bed, so, off to do some exploring about my own history. In total, I found 2000 plus people, plus many more who were only known as husband of/mother of/father of, daughter of, etc. 2000 plus named people in my lineage. Tracing back to ancient times, on islands in the Mediterranean, with myths and legends a part of the stories and family histories. Names familiar to many who ever learned some Greek Mythology, were in my family history. Hera, Athena, Olympia, Apollo, and over and over, on my dad’s side, Dionysus. Places of history, too. That’s a heckuva a past. After a bit, I started another little project. “What have I done?”

What Have I Done?

Until this time, I would make a note in some notebook, of my job, who I worked with, dates, and locations. My career, for those who do not know me, is working on Special Events, for whoever needs it. I take a raw space, and make it into a company party, corporate meeting, sales event, or product intro, etc. Sometimes it is a small Hotel ballroom for 75 people. Sometimes, a convention center for 20,000 people. Sometimes it is a completely blank warehouse, and a few hours later, it is a massive party for 3500 joyful people dancing and singing alongside some new band. Sometimes it is a sports arena, for 75,000 with broadcasts around the world. Tiny to massive. Well known fortune 50 companies. Obscure small service organizations of 20 or 30. Sometimes it is a press conference for the US President, Prime Ministers. VIPS, the people in the news and facing a few hundred reporters. Hollywood types, authors. Musicians. Concerts for big names and unknowns. More likely, it is a power point presentation of sales figures, or some medical device. But in my “what have I done?” Project, I found, hmmm, I guess I have done some fun things. In the past… which led me, to… ”What’s Next?”

What's Next?

What’s next, was an interesting thing. I mean, lying in a hospital bed, unable to speak, for a week plus, but being aware of my world, and hearing how close I was to getting on a boat at the River Styx. It makes you pause. It makes you think… “What’s really important to me?”

And THAT triggered a bit of a sea change in me. It has taking me some time to come to grips with my life in the past, and my life going forward. Some time...? Ha! 15 years... of being in neutral. I haven't wasted 15 years, but I was given a second chance, and I haven't done much with it.

Lying there in that hospital so long ago, I had a few thoughts, one of which is, "it is what it is!" Anyone around me has heard it untold times. For me, that means, stop obsessing over things that happen, that you have zero control over. WASTE NO TIME on them. Things are. Move on. Doesn't mean you cannot change going forward, but, you cannot change the past. Period.

The main thing I took away from my near death, was this, "Make it count"
We are given nothing, and should take nothing for granted. Make your life count. There are a shit ton of little things in life that simply do not matter. Stop arguing over things that don't matter. Grab ahold of the important things in life. Hug them dearly. Live life. LIVE it well... because we do knot know. Not when our time comes. Not when Charon rows his boat up to the shore to take us onto our next journey. STOP WASTING LIFE.

Last decade or so? I haven't done that. I have been in neutral. Slowly drifting... wallowing in the doldrums (another boating term, of course). Some of that self destructive wallowing has hurt some. Some of it, has been selfish. I simply have not seen myself, and my own behavior. I have true friends and family, who are helping me, some of which hurts, but ultimately, comes from love.

I’ve spent time, over the last few months looking inward. I’ve heard from outside voices, people who are the dearest and closest to me, weighing in. I have had some of my closest and dearest turn a very sharp focus on who I became, and what I was doing. I have had some destructive, and hurtful, behavior pointed out. Some good, too, it’s not all bad. Mainly what I have seen in myself, with some help, has been: I do not like how I have let some close to me time slip away. First, feeling trapped. Feeling sorry for myself. Feeling selfish in some ways and not at all focused on happiness either, in other ways. Sure, it sounds like a contradiction, but it really isn’t. “What do I want?”

What Do I Want?

I have seen some cool things in life. Met some cool people. Interesting, Pretty powerful. Downright beautiful. Amazing talents. IN this past few months of introspection, I am finding, none of us, NO ONE, is given a guarantee in life. We do not know what time we have left. We only know this: Either do your best, or let it go to waste. And I for one and done wasting my time, and wallowing in nothing.

I’ve made a list, of goals in life. What I want? Are there places to see? People to meet? Things to do? What is stopping me from any of that?

A few years ago, someone asked me to make a few notes in life:
• Where do I see myself in 1 year?
• Where do I see myself in 5 years?
• Where do I see myself in 10 years?

AND, most importantly, what are you doing to get there?

So my lists, and notes over the past few months are twofold:

1. Places I want to visit. Things I want to do. Like, see Antarctica. See Galapagos.
   and more importantly:

2. Who is important in your life? What are you doing to show them? Are you making these people a priority? Or, are you simply ignoring them? Taking them for granted?
   

   Paying lipservice is fooling no one.
   My wake up call? Losing some people who are close to me. Because of my own behavior. Oh, they’re still there… simply not going to put themselves in position to be burned again and again, by my own selfishness. Sometimes love takes a knock on the head and a painful kick in the ass, to wake it up.

Sometimes, being set free.. being awakened by being let go, is what it takes. Butterflies are free. It remains to be seen if the butterfly will thrive or keep going back to the same old same old. Either way, Butterflies are Free.

Happy Gardening and Cheers,
BluefinStudios

All Images by Bluefin Studios unless specified.