Life's Journey

So today is my birthday and trust me the love has been massive. You know the feeling of being celebrated? knowing that people truly and genuinely care about you?. That's the feeling I'm currently having.

Before now I am not one to talk about my birthday or even celebrate it. Not even my close friends know when I was born because I do not talk about it.

**Why? **
I didn't feel accomplished enough to celebrate anything, I have always felt like my life is a mess, I am not good enough and I am a failure, I'd always say to myself, "I am in so much pain".

I'd always wish why can't my life be as perfect as my friend's life, why do I have to be the struggling one. "Life is not fair to me" I'd think.

I got so engrossed in analyzing how perfect people's life were that my own accomplishments was constantly downplayed by my very own self.

With time the people that mattered started treating me exactly how I treated myself.

Despite battling low self esteem and self worth, I did very well in masking it that people from afar cannot see unless they come close.

I was living a sad life, I had friends but it still felt lonely. Then something happened, I was in a relationship that I needed to get out from but I'd always feel, it will get better.

Maybe if I act in a certain type of way, he would treat me better but no matter what I do, its never good enough and he will constantly downplay all my efforts telling me how I am not serious with my life and as such no one would ever take me seriously.

It was frustrating really as I found myself in an unhealthy competition with my friends that I was loosing, and also my partner in whom I ought to get solace, encouragement, motivation and support, didn't see me as good enough despite me constantly living my life to please him at the time.

I was drowning in the pool of my discontent and no one could see. I walk around with this cloud of sadness hovering around me and I felt no one could see it till I got a call from my friend whose an empath.

He said, "something just nudged me to call you".

At that point he called, I had reached my break point, my chest was tightened. I felt choked, I felt suffocated, I felt like jumping over the edge. I was constantly screaming in my head but no one could hear.

It was quite a relief that my friend was receptive enough telepathically to receive my SOS signals.

Despite the fact that I needed help, I still wasn't interested in whatever my friend had to say as comfort.

He recounted my success and several accomplishments that I have failed to take notice of or recognize.

I still wasn't moved to feel better about myself till he made a statement that hit me.

"You have to be grateful for the little things so the big ones can come". He said to me and my eyes shone like I just had an epiphany.

Immediately, I was catapulted to various stages of my life, in my mind's eye, I could see my starting point, my achievements with my career, my educational qualifications and by right my level ought to be higher than the state it was in.

Then and there, I realized I was my own problem, the illusion of disappointment vanished and it was clear the people I was competing with also had their various challenges that if I get to experience them, I might not even live to tell the story.

One after the other, I took a walk in my friend's shoes, the ones I was competing with. I started recounting the horrible experiences they had shared with me on their life's journey. I asked myself one pertinent question "Can you live with what your friends had survived?". I responded to myself with a "No".

Suddenly, I felt my chest loosened. I began to appreciate myself, I apologized to myself and started running life in my own track field that put an end to the unhealthy competition I had found myself in and things started improving for me. I found my voice, I realized my worth and I elevated my esteem.

I started pleasing my and my partner could not cope so he ended the relationship and it was a big relief for me believe me I celebrated and so did everyone who knew us together lol.

Today being my birthday, I got a call from a long time friend, after wishing me a happy birthday, he went. "We are getting old" and I quickly rebuked him that I am not old.

He was like "when were you born again?,"

He continued: "Oh! you are not even up to 30, unlike us".

In my defense, I replied: "Even if I was born in the 70s, even in my 50s, I will not classify myself as old, I will still be a hot cake".

Immediately the men I was sharing a public transport with turned and gave me a disapproving look. I was waiting for any of them to challenge me so that I can restrict his air flow lol, I'm just kidding, but they kept cool and mind their business.

If it was before, I would have felt so bad about my friend tagging me old, I will start beating myself up on how I have not accomplished enough for my age, mounting unnecessary pressure on myself but not anymore.

I have come to love myself and appreciate my growth process.

Cheers to me ❤️🤝🏿

**ALL IMAGES ARE MINE **

PS
This post is in response to the Inkwell Creative non fiction prompt and the Aprilinleo prompt for day 11.

Please feel free to participate 🙂

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