Joyful Self-Destruction

Sitting here in the sun on the playground, reading through articles and comments and leaving my own opinions when asked for, looking up from time to time to see what Lily is up to, having a nice view on the Imbabura mountain after spending 4 days at the coast - I'm really relaxed.

It's been a while since I had that. While Lily was with her mom, I worked a lot more than usual, trying to make up for what I didn't accomplish while prioritizing parenthood and being pro-active in getting stuff done early so I won't get as behind again.

Now, Lily is finally back, and though she's a piece of work every day, I'm relieved. Sure, beach time always helps, but even today with a very long To-do-List, I feel very chilled. I got it all done, even a little more. And being able to write my post while she's playing? That's awesome.

We ate lunch at 12.30pm today. Wanna guess when I did that last time? I'd have to guess, too. Eating lunch, I mean, never mind the healthy time. The little one brings the structure back to my life, the routines, the predictability (well, somewhat, she's a child...). I like that. It's the environment I work best in. It's weird to realize that I can't establish and pull them off when by myself. I did in the end, for a week, but I had to convince myself to do so, though I knew it was best.

Preparing for Lily being back, that was the motivator, so, again, the little one. Dang. She's way too important for my lifestyle. I should be able to control that just for myself, for my own sake, but it's so much easier to do it for others.

Why?

I'm very conscious of my self-destructive treats. They never take over completely, and I become aware of them early and steer clear in time. Yet I give more into them when I don't have to care for anyone but myself, I indulge in the forbidden fruits, Netflix, beer, doom scrolling, bad eating & sleeping habits and so on.

I could've gotten a lot more done in the last two months if I had controlled myself a little more. But I didn't, with the scapegoat of having a little freedom to enjoy myself. And yes, I'd say I did that. A little too much. But justifiable.

Other people have it worse. They don't even realize what they're doing to themselves. They lose themselves in the enjoyment, until it becomes and addiction. Though I do struggle, I'm incredibly happy to have enough self-consciousness to avoid that. For now.

We're told to do something for ourselves all the time, everywhere, mainly a euphemism for buying things and services that we don't really need. "It's okay to enjoy a little! Loosen up and have fun!" It is, but nobody teaches where the line is. Once, it was money, but the ever inventive credit industry does not stop to create new products to lure us into consumerism.

There are cases where it made sense, people who did sacrifice too much, didn't take care of themselves in terms of enjoyment. But it has mutated from a need to a right to an obligation. And it only accelerates the fragmentation in society we're experimenting, as the promoted enjoyment is not a community oriented, but egoistical one.

Don't get me wrong, there are those enjoyments that contributes to community, too. Jam sessions come to mind, BBQ, other get-togethers. And those are real. But the ones promoted are individualists. And if a group is involved, it's only to impress that group, to set oneself apart instead of connecting.

We need to re-learn to enjoy connection.

What do you enjoy? What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI, as well as read your own experience and point of view, I love to learn!