My Parenting Cons....... hivenaija #37.

A lovely day to you all!

Children are generally thought of as blessings from God especially when they are in their early formation stages, when they are bendable and cute but when they cross over to their teenage years, it can become frustrating having kids... believe me I have first hand experience on this.

Children are also a source of joy in marriage as you would find newly weds shouting a loud ameeeeen! whenever a prayer for kids is sent their way and when it looks the manifestation of that prayer is slow coming, the couple become agigated and they begin to seek various means of getting a child.

Asides bringing a child into this world, there are certain obligations which parents need to uphold and fulfill. These obligations I can sum up as child raising. There are so many diverse pros and cons which are unique to each parent and also dependent on the amount of knowledge and experience gathered.

As a parent, I will never....

Before having my child, I already had my child raising formula in hand on how I would raise and nurture him or her to be a better human. Eventually, that desire was birthed and I had a daughter. With everything that's going on in my society today and all the twists of fates, one thing I am determined not to do is raise my child around secrets.

I have witnessed how families are torn apart because of secrets passed around until a catastrophe occurs and they begin to regret. A recent one occurred about eleven months back, a young man in his mid twenties finally found out from his uncles that the man he has been calling father, is not actually his father. This young man was so devastated that after a heated argument, he left and has never been heard from since. My question was.."why was he not told?"

Communication is the bridge to maintaining any relationship. I don't think there's anything that is worth hiding from your loved one, no matter how bad and devastating the issue is. Raising children around secrets or keeping things from kids because we feel they can't handle it, can have a damaging ripple effect in future. The kids thes days are born smarter than AI's. One story I heard a long time ago was about...

A man who married his fraternal twin sister unknowngly because they were separated as kids and had lived in different geo-political zones all their lives. They met later in life by chance, fell in love, dated and she was already pregnant before they went to see her people in the village. Only for one uncle to recognize the boy as their lost son by virtue of a hidden birthmark. It was a rollercoaster of emotions as the girl now pregnant, began to hate herself for sleeping with her sibling while the guy was angry at being separated from his family all his life. Of course, the marriage never happened.

Secrecy is a little fox that spoils the vine. I have been and will still raise my daughter in transparency, instilling core values of honesty, accountability and kindness in her.

Another thing I will never do while raising my children is swear at them or curse them. This is a kind of cultural problem in the community where I reside. You'll find parents cursing at their children for every little mistake they make. I find it appalling when I hear a mum tell her child...

"it will not be well with you" or you will not succeed in life". It makes me wonder if they went through the stress of pregnancy and child birth just to produce mediocrity. I am very proud to say that my daughter knows no swear word or curse word, and it gladens my heart that she's growing up without the environmental influence.

I know fully well that words are powerful and a deposit of negative spoken words will in tun manifest a negative life for the child becoming something that would pose a problem later in life.

Thank you all for reading.

Images used are mine.