LOH #225... Autonomy vs Obsession.

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Relationships are golden and priceless especially when you are in the ship with someone who adores and understands you.

Humans were not meant to do life alone. Even animals have and enjoy their mates. So I believe that being in a relationship with someone who values you, cares for you and appreciates your very existence….is magical.

But then again, in as much as relationships are interesting and exciting, there is a need for boundaries to be set and upheld in the relationship or else both partners will come to resent themselves.

Personally, I don't like it when my partner is clingy or obsessive. I have heard a lot of stories about how one partner in a relationship can become overly clingy that they drive the other partner insane.

I feel that couples in a relationship need room to breathe and be who they are or are meant to be. A clingy boyfriend, fiance or even husband is a total turn off for me. I would start to resent the relationship. I mean texting me 200 times in one hour when I'm at work is kind of too much.

Before becoming a couple, we both had a life and I'll still like to have a life even though I'm doing life with you as my partner. So this already shows my first point for personal boundaries.

Another point I feel is important to uphold in a relationship for personal boundaries is doing away with the ex's. I know this might go against popular opinion but for me, no responsible man hangs on to his ex or calls them and carries on long conversations with that ex as if they're buddies while in a new and current relationship.

I was once in a relationship with a guy who felt it was okay to be in close contact with his ex-girlfriends. He would be on Facebook liking and commenting on their pictures. He would even call and begin to reminisce about the ”good old days" with them. To the point that he sends them money and more. I brought up this issue letting him know that he needs to put an end to it but he kept saying nothing would happen until he found himself in bed with one of his ex-girlfriend who happened to be married.

According to this ex-boyfriend of mine, he claimed that he received a phone call from her asking for help. He went to her place and she told him that he needs to have sexual intercourse with her in order to lessen her abdominal pain and this silly guy agreed. My question to him when he returned and told me was, ”Where was her husband?” and ”Why did she not call her husband to help her out? (assuming the ailment was true)”

He could not say much for his defense and that was how our three month relationship came to an end. He practically paved the way for cheating and he saw nothing wrong with it. In his words ” I was helping my former lover” was what he said. It was his alacrity for me.

Togetherness and indepence

Couples don't need to be in the same living space to feel togetherness. Togetherness is a state of the mind not just a physical state.

Independence in a relationship refers to autonomy, individuality and freedom while in a committed relationship. It doesn't mean that couples go their separate ways but rather it speaks volumes of personal development and doing what makes you…you without interference from your partner.

In fact the best thing to do as a partner is to support your better half in becoming all that they can and want to be. For it is in chasing their passion that you get to see them shine and become more valuable to you as a partner.

Independence doesn't rule out togetherness rather it strengthens the bond of the relationship. Creating room for interdependence, support and mutual respect.

There is a high level of respect that a woman accords her partner who goes all out to support her dreams and bring out the best in her. She automatically sees him as her hero and adores him more than before. I know I would 😁. The same applies to men as well.

Understanding the scope of independence and togetherness would create a healthy environment for that relationship to thrive and I'm in full support of independent yet together.

Thank you all for reading... Shalom

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First, this piece is a masterpiece. I was just nodding my head like Agama lizard while reading through. 😂

It is of utmost importance to set boundaries in relationships, as it would help prevent conflicts, resentment, and burnout. It's also crucial for maintaining healthy communication, respect, and emotional well-being.

I can't put up with a clingy, obsessive partner, it would tire me out. Cut me some space, man. 😅

Cutting off all exes is absolutely good. Old things have passed away now, so we behold al the things that are anew 😅.
My man told me one time, "if you keep on talking about this your ex, it'll put me off". Immediately I did a brain reset and wiped every memory of him out.

You see that uncle boyfriend, womanizing dey him eye. Imagine the lame lie. So pathetic that you had something to do with such a wimp. Good a thing you ended the relationship right on time.

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My dear sister that uncle wimp was just too ridiculous. For him mind, him be good Samaritan or cheerful giver 😂😂😂😂

Anyways it was good riddance to bad rubbish o

Thanks for this amazing comment sis and for the compliment. I just had to pour out my mind the way it is.

!luv
!lady
!hug

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He's a pain reliever for his exes who are in pains. Chai, the things we see with some men.

Yeah, I know. Your post tone said it all.

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It’s completely understandable to set boundaries in relationships, especially when it comes to maintaining personal space and respect, @beckyroyal. Your insights highlight the importance of mutual respect and clear boundaries, which are crucial for any healthy relationship.

Clinginess and obsession can indeed be overwhelming and stifling. It's vital to have room to breathe, grow, and maintain one's individuality, even while being in a partnership. A balanced relationship allows both individuals to flourish, both together and independently.

As for ex-partners, your stance on maintaining distance is a valid boundary. Trust and respect are foundational elements in a relationship, and it's essential to feel secure and valued. It’s unfortunate that your ex-boyfriend didn’t respect those boundaries, leading to such a hurtful situation. It’s commendable that you stood up for your values and made a decision that was best for your well-being.

It sounds like you’ve learned a lot from these experiences and have a clear understanding of what you want and need in a relationship.

!LADY

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Yes, I did learn a lot from that experience.

Thanks for this insightful comment 🤗🌺

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I don't like it when my partner is clingy or obsessive

This won't go well for me, too. I don't want a man who will always monitor my every move and not allow me breathe all because of one relationship.

Your ex boyfriend made a big mistake. The devil is so cunny and if one isn't strong enough to deal with anything like thinking about the past or to flee from it, the devil uses that to trap them down in committing mistakes. One thing I will do or like my partner to do is to forget anything called ex because that can be dangerous.

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It is dangerous and very annoying if you look further into it. There's a reason that person became an ex. If both parties were meant to be, then they wouldn't be an ex.

Any man that cannot let go of his old flame is just showing himself prey in the hands of the devil and that could be disastrous

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A partner that's obsessed is something I do not want for myself, love me but don't be obsessed with me

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I would feel uncomfortable if a partner of mine was still visiting and supporting his ex. Boundaries are so important in any relationship. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences @beckyroyal xx

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Thanks as well for sharing my opinion 😁

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Love me but don't be obsessed with me , I prefer that. Thanks for sharing

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