My very real but fictional journeys - Living on the edge - To have as not to have.

To have as not to have - I read these lines in the Bible and they fell into my heart.

Yes there are so many situations in life when you have spent a lot of time and effort you feel that you deserve more than you have but you remain standing at the same stage of your life path seeing your goal, but you cannot touch it.

Such a feeling can be experienced by a climber who devoted many years to training spent a lot of money on an expedition in order to conquer an impregnable mountain he climbed up for a long time but the path that he believed should lead him to the top turned out to be false at best.

And then sitting at the foot of the mountain he looks at its top and understands that one cannot torment one's heart with this failure one must be someone who has a lot of experience but does not have a selfie from the top of the mountain.

So many Jews looked to the promised land and failed to reach it.

Varaam communicating with God received a revelation that many nations would come from him but his wife Sarah could not have children.

Abraham had a revelation in his heart but did not have a child of his own at the age of a hundred years.

It hurts to see desperate people for example my friend's father went crazy when after the collapse of the USSR all his money savings in the bank turned into clay shards.

He only needed to become the one who having has nothing and go on a new path but he could not come to terms with this.

For example I have my own land and a house is being built in a country whose sky is peaceful but I am sitting in a concrete box on the top floor of a high-rise building in a country that is at war.

I have many ideas but they are all ridiculous in view of the circumstances I have but do not have a strange feeling.

A few years ago I could not yet imagine that I could illustrate my thoughts with a pencil with a graphite rod and those thoughts that I want to forget I could erase from paper with an eraser.

I am holding a finished drawing in my hands and could say that I already have enough experience for further steps but a day or two passes I pick up the drawing again and understand that what I considered my strength I am my weakness and you need to change your approach to work for a start you need to become having, like not having.

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More to come!

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Have a blessed day!

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