Am I Arrogant.....!

“When I entered the door of college, I saw a charming face and a personality full of attitude............” These were the words of my junior in the college that she used to describe me, when inviting me on stage to award a title on the Farewell function.

Well, it was not the first time I heard such a comment about me. “This girl has got an attitude" is a remark I have received at various points from different people. It is akin to regard someone as arrogant or narcissistic.

I am not sure why people consider me that way while I am the opposite of it. Would you consider a person arrogant who feels genuinely humbled when praised on her face? I experience a kind of embarrassment when I receive praiseworthy remarks for me in a gathering, and try to shift the direction of conversation so my admiration no longer remain the topic of discussion.

No person close to me has such point of view about my personality. They admire me for my confident, respectful and helping nature. However, those who are not that close to me often keep such a view point.

The reason, perhaps, is that I maintain a boundary with people. While being friendly with people I vividly maintain the nature of relation I have with them. For instance, during my job period in the past, while talking to any colleague, I not only assured the use of appropriate language from my side but also made them know their limits too via my actions, facial expressions and verbal tone.

Let me share an experience in this regard. In my native language, Urdu, we have three words as a translation of You- Aap, Tum and Tu. While “Tu” is generally considered disrespectful, Aap and Tum are used respectfully. However, there is a difference in level of formality and expression of closeness between the two alternatives. While Tum is not inherently rude, it represents a level of closeness which is not appropriate for a professional relationship, especially during a conversation between opposite genders. The alternative for such settings is the word Aap.

One of my male colleagues in the school once asked me a question using Tum........ Instead of answering his question, I calmly asked him back, “Since when have you (Aap) started calling me Tum?". It was a subtle but firm reminder for him to maintain the limits and decorum of our working relationship.

An interesting fact is that these are not merely the outsiders who regard me an attitudinal person, but some of my relatives too. There might be certain reasons.

Firstly, I am not often interested in the aimless kind of conversation and tend to stay quiet amidst them.

Additionally, at times, I have unconventional yet logical kind of perspectives over various issues and people are not quite habitual of being negate that way.

Moreover, I mostly overlook emotionally igniting remarks and treat them as if they hold no worth for me. It, perhaps, is not a desirable reaction for provocative people. Furthermore, I openly say “NO" when I am not meant to say Yes. It is another trait that people, in general, do not admire.

For some years, I felt hurt when being remarked as a person with attitude, as I knew arrogance was not a trait I own. However, with time I began to see things differently. I realized people often label confidence and clarity as arrogance, especially when it does not go according to their expectations.

So I stopped letting those remarks affect me emotionally. Instead, I started taking those remarks as an unintended compliment. If people assume me someone “above", it is a demonstration of their perspective but not my reality. I and my close-bonded fellows know who I am, and that’s enough for me.