Ever Alone

Ethan was driving his car slowly along the tarred expressway, unlike his usual self that normally drive faster than a running cheetah's paws. His heart was heavy as his fingers swirled the steering wheel silently. Wen he got home he took off his coat and relaxed on the sofa for over an hour. His eyes were half closed and his body leaned limply on the cushion.

“Honey, believe you will get the job.” The voices came again.

Sophia was adjusting his tie softly and then patted him on the shoulder. Harry could see himself staring into the mirror with sad eyes.

“This is the 11th interview, dear. What makes you think this one is going to work out?”

Sophia didn't even blink. A half smile seemed to hover on her pretty face.

“We just have to keep believing. Sometimes a positive attitude is all one needs to win in life.”

Ethan felt like he was sapped of steam. No arguments were left in his mouth. Amongst his friends he was known for his passionate constant arguments but strangely he never found the strength to argue with his wife. It was always all laughter and joy when both were together. And if not, then words of encouragement or enlightening statements from his better half. She was more to him than just a lover.

Ethan saw himself walk into the interview room. The interview proceeded as usual and at the end he was dismissed. Two weeks later he got the job. Both he and Sophia had celebrated this small yet important win.

From there, he worked at the job for about 3 years. Promotions came quickly and in a decade or so, he was on the board of the company and possessed considerable wealth.

Presently he roused himself on the sofa and thought about supper but no ounce of strength was left in him. He just poured himself a half cup of black coffee and sipped mindlessly. He slept off in that position his head resting on the table.

In his dreams he saw himself saying goodbye to his parents as they boarded the plane. He remembered the broad smiles, the hugs, the soft words and his mother's tears as she told him to look after his younger brother. They both were going for a medical check-up oversees. Both he and his brother were very young at the time.

Next he saw in his dreams a plane descending, it's nose downwards, like a swooping eagle. The plane hit a building bust into flames and disintegrated. He saw his younger brother crying in his arms when the news of their parents death reached them. They had no one to turn to to, no relatives and they were both very young. A loosly tied noose was swinging before him but without a body. It was the exact spot where his younger brother had ended it all. Suddenly Christopher, his brother appeared on the noose, swinging and red and Harry jerked in his sleep and woke.

This happened 35 years ago. He had been distraught and inconsolable at his brother's death. His eyes had turned bulging and red from crying in the weeks that followed. He just managed to go along with life, until he met Sophia. Sophia had brought hope and light back into his life. She was always at his side cheering him on. She shared every burden and every worry. She listened to his deepest concerns and offered good words of advice. She smiled through difficult times and encouraged her husband and it was only her strength that kept Ethan going. Her smile seemed to send a healing aura to his heart. She was not just the center of his world, she was his world.

One breezy and hot afternoon, that world came crashing. His wife had been diagnosed with cancer. That angelic smile still didn't leave her face. Her words were those of encouragement.

“I'm going to survive this, honey…”

“How are you sure of that?” Harry's eyes were dim and already the tears were beginning to trickle.

“We just have to believe.”

Sophia fought bravely. She held on to life with all her strength. She was the one on the death bed but it seemed she was the one carrying her home on her shoulders instead.

“Even if I go, you will survive without me…” she said.

It dawned on Ethan she already knew she might most likely not make it. The tears in his eyes and the sorrow in his heart were profuse. He had wept like a baby holding her hand. A week later she passed away peacefully in her sleep.

The burial was silent, teary and hollow. After it Ethan moved about like an empty tortoise's shell. It was by Providence's grace he didn't end it all.

Sophia had been instrumental in lifting him from the hole of sadness after the passing of his parents and when his brother ended it all. She had helped him put his life together and achieve considerable success. The cloud that had congested upon his life slowly drifted away. But Sophia was called away too soon and all that happiness just collapsed. He was just back to square one.

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