Overthinking: A cankerworm

Greetings!

Hi guys, Do you know we sometimes overthink in some situations and forget the fact that we are humans. We assume the role of God many a times, and just want to know the end of a thing from the beginning. This makes us become anxious, worrisome and restless. While there are some people that take things lightly and just accept situations as they come, mine is just so different. I take things too personal and ruminate so much on how to get them done.

A typical case of this overthinking was when I wanted to get married. Oh my God! I became so restless and anxious. I thought and over thought. Though he wasn't a new man to me, I was just so worried about his nature. He is a quiet and reserved person. He's that type that doesn't really take things personal until he's pointed to it. He's just directly opposite the kind of person I wanted. I believed I am a quiet person that shouldn't get married to another quiet man.I started thinking on how we would cope in marriage. I was just thinking of how much people would cheat us, since none of us is strict. We had been together for six years and I was already told to bring my man. I would just cry and cry overnight, having lost myself in thought. To me he wasn't active enough. I also thought every woman should marry a tough guy that would be able to protect and take decision for the family.
At a point, I couldn't think it through, my family then advised me to leave him and let him go if I don't like his kind of person which he may be hard to change in marriage. Then, I somersaulted into another realm of thinking. You know, I have been advised to let go but now, I started thinking about his good sides: the way he's calm and sypportive. I also loved the way he loves God, so it wasn't just easy to let go of him, and I wouldn't just stop crying of some certain things I dislike in him. On a particular day after so much prayer, I got the strength to tell my parents that he's the one I wanted to marry and I requested the date to introduce him officially to the family. My family was so happy for me and the two families got introduced. But when they just thought the thinking was over and the decision had made. I entered another level of thinking.

My fiance was just a teacher and in our own part of the country, teachers are not that respected. They see most of them as low income earners compared to their counterparts in other profession like medicine, banking etc. I was just thinking about my life, how I would cope with a teacher husband that would depend on 50k salary at the end of the month, which was actually true. He was collecting 50k as a state government secondary school teacher till 2024. So, I would just think and think and cried my eyes out. You know we every woman's dream is to marry into luxury but it wasn't appearing so. We fixed our wedding date but that didn't stop my thinking. I was so worried and over thoughtful and at last a shadow of myself.

My friends started calling my attention to my pale look which was not that good for a bride to be. Thanks to my family that stood by me and encouraged me in the Lord to see all those things I consider deficiencies as strength and just trust God and trust the outcome. I eventually agreed, discuss extensively with my fiance what gave me worries and both decided to work on it and watch the back of each other. I started seeing things the other way. I became happy about my wedding and so optimistic about my marriage. We got married in the year 2023 and I can tell you it's been happily ever after. I regret how much I suffered myself, overthinking unnecessarily, as my husband is even now more active than I am. He has been so up and doing, providing and protecting the family. He's so respected in the neighborhood that I do wonder how and when the great change occurred. In fact, aside teaching, he now has many other side hustles that yields for him every now and then which include: piggery, online businesses and the likes. It is well to conclude that it's only God that knows the end from the beginning. Trusting God and taking actions are the best ways. Overthinking only does more harm than good.

This is my entry to the hivenaija weekly prompt.
Thanks for reading.
All pictures are mine.

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