When Mayhem Mattered

Some years back, I used to find it hard to understand people who struggled to let go of things, be it clothes or shoes. I later realized I was no different, but mine was with friends. I thought life was better with many friends.

You know those popular kids in high school with so many friends? I was their leader. My life was full of friendships of different colours and sizes. It took one or two betrayal here and there for me to let go of some people. My table was always full of drama, that it was so draining.

In as much I’m tempted to paint the situation so black, let me just be honest and say I enjoyed the drama, until it started becoming messy. The thing about being surrounded by so many friends is that you sometimes accept things you don’t have to accept.

You live a certain way you abhor. You find it hard to create boundaries. Your privacy is always compromised because everyone tries to know what’s happening in your life. In fact, others even feel they have a say in how you should live your life.

At a certain age, I realized that letting go of people was the way out. Just like how so many clothes and shoes clutter space, friends had also made a mess of my life and even put me in a bad mental place. Through the journey of finding myself, I decided to let go of certain people and stop accepting just anyone into my life.

Now, my circle of friends is so small that, if I hear anything about myself outside, I would know who leaked that information. I’ve cut so many people off to the extent that anytime I receive a call, I can even guess who is calling.

Although it was really stressful having so many friends, I won’t deny the fact that it was fun sometimes. We all know the more, the merrier and as a sanguine, I miss the merry in having so many friends. As someone who isn’t a number one fan of being alone, I miss the feeling of having people around. I miss the noise, the unending conversations, the mayhem.

Never say never but anything that has to do with having so many friends won’t see the light of the day in my life. Yes I do miss it sometimes but the drama was very unpleasant. I believe I have learned a lot and as far as my mental health is concerned, I’m really not going back. I have just a few friends now and the last time I checked, my life’s been way better.