What If I Give Up?

I have a trip coming up late July/early August so I’ve been working so hard so that during that time, I wouldn’t have to work. I’m just trying to finish any work related stuff before that time. I’ve been working so hard, so hard. Sometimes I just put everything on hold for a second and then try to look back to see all that I’ve been doing and then I realized, girl! you couldn’t have done this alone….hehe, but I actually did.

One of the things about me that makes my friends like me so much is the fact that I’m ambitious and it shows in all aspects of my life. Even crocheting that is like a hobby for me, has turned into World Cup for me…of course I still enjoy that world cup. This is also the same thing about me that my family can’t deal with. During family times where I actually go home, my brothers always complain anytime they wake up at dawn to go take water from the fridge and then they come see me at the study table working.

There was even a time where my family just decided that I shouldn’t work anymore and that was after my mental breakdown. Yeah, I had a mental breakdown, a serious one. But isn’t that like a normal thing? What’s more important is the fact that I still overcame it so…and no, I’m not taking that for granted. I know people went through that and couldn’t survive so I’m grateful for the love and support around me that helped me recover. Can’t ever take that love for granted.

Sometimes I sit down and then say fine, what if I give up on all that I’m doing. Then what now? become a liability on my brothers? I know they wouldn’t see me as a liability but then I do. I just feel like they wouldn’t see it now but after they get married and are faced by other responsibilities, I’ll become a lot. I’m trying hard not to work so hard but you really can’t blame me for working for that kind of life I want.

Things I want are expensive, things I want for my friends are expensive. The economy is even more “expensiver”. You slack a little and the next minute you’re going hungry for days. No matter how hard you work, you might not be able to afford some things especially when you have to battle the economy first. Also, how do I get that Range Rover for my future husband on our wedding day if I stop working hard for that bag.

I know when to stop and take some rest. I know where and when to increase my energy level. I know what to do and when to do. So as compared to then, it’s a little, just a little better now. I just know that if I were to give up now, that would mean deriving myself and a lot of people a lot things.

images are mine