Liberated

In 2021, somewhere around August, I started experiencing anxiety right after Covid. I observed that it would mostly begin in the morning when I’m going to work and couldn’t find where I put my comb or a particular blazer I wanted.

No, I wasn’t and have never been a disorganized person, I just had too much. A lot of unnecessary things that I didn’t even want. I remember how I could search for one particular thing right in front of me for hours just because it was surrounded by many similar ones. It was the same mentally. You’d mostly hear me say I had a lot on my mind but wouldn’t even be able to give you one thing on that mind.

There were times I would come across a dress and ask my mom if she knew who it was for because I didn’t t remember owning such a dress. It really was a lot of physical chaos back then. One of the things my mom used to really dislike about me was how I always ended up being late for an event. I could use the whole night to plan my outfit and still get late in the morning because someway somehow I would have to turn the whole house down to look for an earring.^{especially the ones in this picture}

During that time, I had slowly already started embracing minimalism and was beginning to understand that all I needed were the things that mattered, both physically and mentally. To be honest, I didn’t really get it until I decluttered my closet. I remember sending more than half of my closet to a charity foundation for donation and then gifting most of the things I barely used. From perfumes to jewelry to even books.

The decluttering happened on a weekend, and in the week that followed, I felt this peace that I have never experienced in my life. I woke up on a Monday morning preparing for work and as I stretched my hand to reach out for the things I wanted, I got them. First in history. I didn’t have to push through about 50 hangers to search for a top. I didn’t have to open so many drawers to find one earring. It felt like I finally had control of my life, and everything was peaceful. And someway somehow, my mind had no pile of thoughts. Everywhere was calm. Oh, and I was very productive at work too.

Funny enough, it was only after I closed from work that I realized that for the first time in months, I didn’t experience anxiety in the morning. (I later found out I was literally surrounded by so many triggers, which I created myself). And the cherry on the cake? My room wasn’t in a mess like it would always be when I’m dressing up. I later applied it to my mental state and it was nothing but amazing. I now live in liberation.

Let me hammer a little bit on the mental side. Currently, I have so much mental clarity in my life. And I give all the credit to living with less. Having less on my mind and few people in my life means being able to identify and accommodate what and who really matters, which also means no space for drama, unnecessary baggage, or chaos. I can’t even count the number of “you’ve changed” I’ve received just because I let go of certain people and stopped carrying their burden.

Knowing that words would fail me, I allowed my experience to say it all. From the very day I decided to declutter mentally and physically to live with less, life has been nothing but liberating, nourishing and most importantly, calm(I don’t even remember the last time I was anxious). But I guess they could all be placed under the bigger umbrella: better.