I DON'T WANT TO BE A GIRL

Hi, I'm Abeegail, welcome to my blog, I'm a teen with so much questions and so little answers. It's my first time posting in this community, I hope I'm welcomed. It's one thing to be a girl child, it's another to make look like a curse.

If you grew up in my house or most African homes the phrase "don't you know you are a girl", is something that Is continually said. Just recently my grandmother travelled down to Lagos to visit and although it was nice to see her, her coming also came with a lot of "don't you know you are a girl", my mom says this a lot too but not like my grandmother, she says it so much that you'd think I was a girl that gets her gender confused. Then this got me thinking why is it like this for girl children. Before we even know who we are we are already conditioned to be what the society expects. "Sit properly","Don't be too loud", "Don't talk too much", "you must learn how to cook, if not your husband will throw you out". I would hear these phrases and I would ask why, and the response would be "because you are a girl". When I hear this I get physically agitated but I'm a girl I have to be submissive. What do you mean it's because I'm a girl, I should learn manners not because I'm a girl, not because I'm going to need it in my husband's house but because I'm HUMAN. It comes out so casual but it slowly chips away our sense of self. You are only relevant if you are submissive, quiet and obedience, no one wants a girl what asks too many questions.

Being a girl it's like it's all eyes on you, everyone is waiting, watching for you to do something wrong, so people can see what they can talk about. You can't go about your day without doing something wrong or something that would trigger someone. The fear of doing something wrong lingers with every decision that you take. Let's not even talk about how hard it is to keep your self safe, it's like we are some extinct breed that every hunter wants to get their hands on. There's always being followed or the fear of walking alone and if anything happens, all blame goes to her and she's told to forget it, that somehow somewhere she brought it on herself.

Is it just me or have i been reading a lot of chimamanda novel ?

You can have a career but don't be too ambitious because you are girl, you must be strong but still be "ladylike". The duality of expectation is crazy. The will society has placed on us to be perfect is crushing and squeezing happiness. One wrong decision and terms like "she's too emotional", "too ambitious", "too aggressive" or "not wife material" pops up like crazy. Although things aren't as oppressive as it used to be for females, it still lingers, there're people that still holds such ideas. It burns me when I hear such oppressive phrase and comments, it weakens the love I have for being a girl. Being a human is already hard enough.

It's Abeegail,
If this is what it means to be a girl, I don't want it anymore.