My Biggest Insecurity...

my substack

Everyone has something they don’t like about themselves. Society’s expectations drive mine. And that’s body image issues. I’ve been the one with booty and hips. In the early 2000s and 2010s, it wasn’t in at the time. I was made fun of.

My body issues started when I was in the 7th or 8th grade. My ADHD meds increased my food cravings. This delays signaling to your brain that you’re full, causing you to overeat. The doctor I had at the time blamed it on soda and juice when my mom didn’t let me drink sugary drinks. I drank tea and water. She asked me if I drank soda or juice, because I said “yes” before I could get out “only 2 times a month.” She made up her mind and told me no soda or juice. I'd have to drink juice like an alcoholic to gain weight from it. A glass every day or every other day isn't gonna hurt. It's the added sugar that's detrimental to your health. I bought juice with no added sugar. I had to avoid sugar with my ADHD meds

Didn’t bother to ask me what medications I take or what I’m eating. Some people make diet mistakes that result in weight gain. Nope. Soda and juice are the only thing in the world that causes weight gain. As a result, I hated going to the doctor because I didn’t want to be weighed. I avoided going to the doctor because of the scale. This was back when we had the old scales where you had to slide the bar thing. This was long before the digital ones in Kilos.
Every time, I asked to skip the weigh-ins.

One stigmatizing doctor caused all of this.

We live in a society that will call you fat, or in a “polite” way, Obese for not looking like Tyra Banks. You could be 150lbs and look like Abby from The Last of Us 2. You’d be obese in their book. Better call Dr. Now because I don’t look like an hourglass. All from an outdated system, BMI, as I like to call it, Bullshit Making People Insecure. So BMPI? Would that be BSMPI?
Maybe that is a good idea—patent pending.

Years later, I don’t read the discharge notes when leaving the doctor’s office in case there’s something there that will cause a relapse in my eating disorder.
Last time I read the report, before lockdown, was the biggest mistake of my life.

An excerpt from my Substack article.
I used to use an app called Dlike to link my articles. I could share a small excerpt and link to the full thing. Before lockdown, it stopped working for me.
Usually, I write a video and blog version of my mental health posts.

Read the full article here