Maybe I'm Too Autistic To Understand This
It bothers me when men I don't know ask me for my # and they're surprised I am uncomfortable with strangers asking me for personal details
This is the one thing I will never understand, maybe because I am autistic. It's when men ask for my # when I don’t know them. When I politely said I don’t give my # to people I do not know personally, they won’t take it or leave it.
In 2022, I talked about a dude I met at the eatery. He asked for my # and wouldn’t leave me alone until he got it when I said I only give my number to people I know or have seen enough. Most autistic people may struggle with non-verbal cues and we’ll have no idea you are flirting/interested in us and will assume you’re just being friendly, that was the case with this dude. He would not leave me alone when I said I don’t give out my #. Why can’t dudes learn to take the L? If someone doesn’t want to give their number to someone they don’t know, respect that.
If the person tells you they only give their number out to people they know personally, before you get so confused look at it this way.
Imagine being flagged down, someone you don’t know asking you for your phone number. You are uncomfortable giving your number to strangers because you don’t know everyone’s intentions. It’s one thing if you went to school together, ya’ll know each other, its been a while. It’s another thing when a stranger is asking you for your number.
Now I stopped because I thought a train was coming. It pulled out of the yard a bit and dimmed its lights. While walking to my spot, this dude stops me and asks me if I am married. When I said no, guess what he asked? My number. When I said I did not give it out, he was surprised. Maybe I am too autistic to understand why dudes act so shocked someone is uncomfortable with STRANGERS asking them for their number. I prefer a messenger app where you need my email to add me rather than giving my number to someone who could be a covert creep or abuser. I want to know what I am getting into. I don’t want a repeat of that guy who called me in the middle of the night to beg me for sex.
I didn’t know sex was his intention, I just found it mighty sus when he was so gung ho that I had to come to his house. When you ask your friends if they can come over, they say “Sorry I’m busy” You tell them you will talk to them later and that’s it. I found it sus he picked the most inconvenient time and was shocked I couldn’t come over. You would think something happened like his house caught on fire, he was stranded somewhere because his car broke down/ran out of gas maybe I could call a tow truck or his family on his behalf, etc. No, he’s acting like he's in urgent need of sex, If he has to beg women to sleep with him, does he deserve it?
He claimed he wanted to do something before he died. Now most folks might want to skydive or climb a mountain before they die. Travel etc.
He seemed shaken by people dying. He wanted to get me knocked up and have a baby before he died. Why potentially put yourself in that spot because the baby could die before it’s born? Then he is just reliving the trauma again.
That was disrespectful because he never asked me what I wanted. You made all of these plans when I had no say. What if it was someone infertile or pregnancy is dangerous for them? He needs to be trained in healthier methods, because begging someone you barely know for sex isn’t it, chief. Even if you know them, it still comes off as desperate.
The guy who stopped me when I was checking for trains, blew his chance with me when he asked me why I didn’t want to have sex. In case you didn’t know. I am asexual. I’m on the spectrum where I have no desire for a sexual relationship. I don’t know a good cover if I do not know the person’s stance. I will not play with you. “you might change your mind” “I can fix that” etc. I am not having that.
I am also demiromantic. it is like demisexual but I have to build a bond for romantic feelings instead of sexual. Maybe that’s why dudes instantly liking you when they don’t even know your favorite color doesn’t add up to me.
Even if I wasn’t ace, that’s a hard boundary. I don’t owe an explanation as to why I don’t want sex. Asexual or not. The guy could have taken it or left it. just said “OK”
For someone, it could be personal—Eg PTSD from being sexually assaulted.
That’s another thing I am probably too autistic to understand. Why can’t we respect someone’s boundaries? If they have a boundary, let them express it, no questions asked. If you want sex that badly, find someone who wants it instead of trying to convince me or “fix” me. Why do we base how much you love your partner on whether or not you want to sleep with them? Marriage isn’t enough? Or even thinking about getting married etc? What if they’re disabled and cannot have sex? You’re just going to leave them because you think sex is the only way to love someone? By the way, I wanna add everyone is different, some disabled people cannot have sex, and some can. it depends on that person.
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No, this definitely has nothing to do with you being autistic. I think men are absolutely overstepping boundaries when they ask for people's numbers, and especially if they try to get you to come home with them. As if they're the last man on earth. It's weird. And it gives me a feeling as if they feel entitled to your number, or your body. What the hell is going on with some people? Nope, you may be autistic, but your surprise and reaction is completely normal. I would have reacted exactly the same.
Those dudes could indeed be crazy, or stalkers, or worse. You're doing the right thing blowing them off. Thank you for sharing!
the reason i thought it had something to do with being autistic is because of how people act like it's normal. At least it seems that way. My mom is like "how else are you going to met anyone"
there has to be a better way than giving my number to someone I don't know
I find that strange from your mom to be very honest (nothing against her parenting though). Personally, I would never tell my daughters to give a stranger their phone numbers, quite the contrary. There's already enough craziness going on online, without adding another crazy stalker to it haha. And yeah, how do people meet others? Probably not at the train station or bus stop or even a bar. Of course, there are exceptions, but men asking women for their numbers at a place like that, probably do so all the time. It's desperate and creepy. I think meeting people through other friends, on an outing with them, or maybe in a place where people come together to socialize (not random bars) is the way to go. However, you don't seem to be looking for a relationship at the moment, so I wouldn't worry about what others do or say. Just be you. It's more than enough.